Today I worked. Honestly, I detest the thought of divulging so much about my life.
The work day was relatively easy.
I went to Office Depot after work to inquire about a refund for this shitty keyboard they sold me. I spoke with the same manager who attended me when I bought the keyboard back in December.
He gave me the run-around. Said if I gave him my keyboard he'd give me store credit for half of what the keyboard was worth, even though I didn't have the receipt.
Like if I want anymore of their defective merchandise. Can they compensate me for the embarrassment of wasting my money patronizing their shitty business?
Typing the letter "i" requires superhuman force. Kinda annoying when one speaks in the first person.
I went to the gym with my friends and then we got some Burger King and finally we went back to their place and looked at our high school yearbook for a bit.
It boggles my mind it's almost been a decade since I graduated high school. I mean, time has passed; things have happened. But nearly a decade's worth?
Browsing the yearbook felt bittersweet. Every page we'd point at someone and comment, "Oh, is he still dating so-and-so? Remember when she did this thing that one time?"
Honestly, it actually kinda did bother me. I guess I just wanted to save face. My friend, incidentally, asked me earlier who were my high school crushes, and going through the yearbook, I was reminded of who they were, but I was too embarrassed to name them: they were virtually all guys.
My frends kinda know I'm sort of gay. Sort of. I just like attractive people, ya know, men or women alike. But I don't think they'd be able to tolerate that sort of salacious intel.
Going through that yearbook, I was just struck with this feeling of regret. A mild lamentation of sorts, rather -- just wishing I was nicer to people, wishing I had befriended more people, wishing I wasn't so scared to put myself out there and just live my life. High school isn't the most important period of my life -- no, the present is the most important period of my life. But once upon a time, high school was the present. And I let it sorta pass me by in the moment, I think.
I harbor no ill will to anyone I knew from that period. I'm just happy meeting anyone who's crossed paths with my life. Nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me. Nevertheless, the feeling lingers -- wouldn't it have been nice if things had gone a different way, instead.
But ya know, it is what it is. Some lessons you don't learn in life without falling flat on your face and eating a fistful of shit. What's done is done. God only knows: I've reaped the most valuable lessons on friendships by failing spectacularly, and I've only just begun to reap lessons on romantic relationships by failing spectatularly at them too.
I lost my virg*nity last month. A sordid one time affair. I don't know if there was something else I could've gotten out of it. If there ever was, I was so neurotic and unbecoming as a man in the aftermath, that the chick was totally repulsed and she never texted me back. Just the way it goes, sometimes, I guess.
Do I miss her? Hard to say. In the grand scheme of things, I barely knew her. She barely knew me. And honestly, she had her problems -- and I'll leave it at that. Maybe it's for the best.
Although, now my friends and I can't hang out where she works -- that's where we used to hang out usually. It's literally how I met her. Now my friends and I have to find a new hang out spot -- ya know, just to minimize the cringiness of this situation.
Oh, well. That's just how the cornbread crumbles.